Kaye Tench

Today’s post is about all the sincere and well meaning resolutions we made at the beginning of the year - about the reality of what it takes to reach any worthwhile goal - and the struggle it sets up in our minds from day 1 about how we are going to achieve them - and how we can learn to move through the fear and resistance that get in the way!

We all realise the tremendous dedication and motivation needed to achieve these goals we so easily set for ourselves, but so many times when we fail, we beat ourselves up and feel inadequate when nothing we do seems to head us in the directions of our set goals.

Take for instance, people who swear that this is THE year they are going to finally stop smoking. How many people do we know who say they want to quit smoking - that they have tried all sorts of different approaches/methods/treatments and still failed?

All these very well-intentioned people may well be missing one vital link as to why they have so far been unsuccessful. They are just not ready! Their conscious self really wants to stop, whilst the sub-conscious is probably saying ‘ yeah yeah - do you remember the last few times we tried this and how much hell it caused us?’

The fact of the matter is that when these people are totally, and finally ready ie conscious and self-conscious in total alignment - they will quit easily, using any of the excellent supportive processes available that they have set their mind on using.
And the truth of the matter seems to be that prior to eventually quitting any long-held habit, there seems to be a preparatory period of internal incubation of thought and negotiation that goes on within us - quiet and private and unbeknown to the rest of the world.

Do we , don’t we, can we - a weighing up of all the pros and cons, the advantages and the disadvantages - how will this change in habit impact life on a daily basis - what is the worst case scenario? With smoking the familiar one is ‘I will never manage!’ We seem to relentlessly play all these aspects of the problem habit over and over in our heads.

And then the day eventually dawns, THE day when you have got it all together in your head, that today is the day - then you are able and ready and totally ready to eliminate that habit.

If you are one of these people, until that day comes, and as an Advanced-EFT Practitioner and a Hypnotherapist, all I can honestly confess to doing with you is helping you to prepare and plan - to support yourself with credible tools from the therapeutic tool-box - until you get to that final day. Chipping away at the resistance with hypnosis, and using EFT tapping to help with cravings - and even if you begin slowly to cut down on the amount of cigarettes, just 1 or 2 a day that still in my book is solid progress towards your goal.

And then that day comes and we do a session and you walk out of my practice and feel so ok about stopping that you later surprise yourself with the low level of cravings - in fact they are so low, that you definitely feel you have the total courage to say - I can leave that! I don’t really need that! And there you are.

Remember it has taken you a long time to get so deeply entrenched within your particular habit - it has been with you as a crutch and support and it makes sense that it cannot be so easily thrown off like a coat that no longer protects you from ill winds.

People who don’t find it easy to give up smoking usually have a number of beliefs around the habit which need to be cleared first. These beliefs could be to do with self-worth and confidence, or any number of other things. Once the beliefs have been identified and removed, it is much easier to give up smoking. And it is all these beliefs that go back and forth in your head, taking you forward to the day of reckoning.

So the fact is that there can be a certain amount of time spent getting set up for the big day - and you know it really is not that important in the long run - that period could take days, months or indeed years - it just depends on the habit and the person. The main thing is that you push on ahead and acknowledge each small success you are able to gain on the way.

Don’t worry or even look back at any amount of failures as this just instigates more of the same for the immediate future ‘ again the law of attraction’ - continuing to dwell on each small success will set you up for even more success. Remember it is like this for everyone, whether it is losing weight, changing jobs, quitting alcohol, leaving an unsuitable partner and a host of other reasons.

Forget about all the things that did or did not work - we have all failed at things in the past. A great thought to keep in mind is that some of the most successful people in the world, are the ones with the most amount of failures! Yes! they are the ones who keep on keeping on - they never give up - unlike most people - they keep going on until they succeed - and you can decide to be one of these people in 2008.

What do you do now? Set yourself a date - and here’s another warning - DO NOT give up if that date needs renegotiating - just set another one - keeping in your mind that YOUR own particular date is coming closer and closer.

The important thing is to rest assured, that deep within the conscious and sub-conscious parts of you - this important and powerful negotiation is going on - this important negotiation between your physical self with a penchant for crutches and prevarication, and your inner being who knows full well the dreams you have set yourself, and the amazing power you really have to bring all of these dreams into reality.

Your inner being in fact has already set up this change for you in a non-physical sense - and it is waiting and lovingly holding the space for you as you follow through with your inner negotiations that will bring you to your pre-conceived idea of quitting your habit.

So it’s now March, and you are not there yet! So what! I urge you to stick it out - maybe you will only do half as well as you thought you would, but that might be more progress with this habit that you have managed in years put together, - so just give it your best shot. How many times have you sat and wondered - if you had stuck with something, what would have happened?

It is so easy to just excuse yourself out of something vital to your life just because it seemed too hard to accomplish, or because of any other reasons you chose to use. Not giving things a chance, and being ready to quit with any minor excuse is a very normal human thing to do.

We shut down and stay where we are because the thought of the new place causes feelings of extreme discomfort - even feelings of panic that we might not survive the new circumstances - and this is when with clients we always try on for size the worst case scenarios and tap away at them to eliminate any resistance to change.

So remember having any of these feelings do not make you a loser - more importantly it means that you are still on the road, and building up more strength with each step forward. Eventually you will reach your goal.

Until later . . .

As we get closer and closer towards Christmas holidays, we recognise it as being the time traditionally for getting together with family and friends. However for some of us, there might well be some concern about meeting up with a particular member of the family or maybe a family friend. And this is where EFT can really come to the rescue, if we are able to tap on a specific relationship.

Is there someone that you are not looking forward to spending prolonged periods with over the holidays? Does the mere thought of them unnerve you and does everything you do just seem to annoy them - so much so that you now feel uncomfortable in their presence; or, does everything another does just guaranteed to get under your skin?

If so use your EFT and tap:

• Even though I am really not looking forward to being with . . . . . for a prolonged period of time, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
• Even though it is going to be really difficult to remain calm and unaffected when . . . . . winds me up continually, I deeply and completely love and accept myself?
• Even though I will find it almost impossible to not attack or retaliate when under pressure, I deeply and completely love, trust and accept myself.

If this sounds more than a little familiar to you, now might also be a good time to consider whether you would rather be right or be happy? When you truly ask this question of yourself, you will find that on a deeper level you might prefer to take the high road to choosing to be happy rather than being right.

How about drawing a line in the past, therefore leaving the way open for the possibility of a clearer and more communicative relationship when you consider the actual and real value of the relationship?

Just reacting as you always have in the past when triggered, will probably ruin yet another holiday for you. However taking responsibility for the situation and how we feel, we are more likely to achieve a positive outcome. Not only will the personal peace gained from this be very worth it, but it may well set the tone for a better quality relationship with this person in the future!

So keep tapping . . .

As that now famous commercial jingle goes, The Holidays Are Coming . . . The Holidays are coming . . . this seems an ideal time for using some EFT to really prepare ourselves, body, mind and soul for the coming weeks.

How ready and prepared are you so as to ensure the best holiday season ever? As far as I am concerned, no matter how festive the decorations around, I usually go for a slow build up. As well, as my birthday is on December 14th, in my family, the tree always went up on my birthday; this of course always coincided with my birthday party!! So you can imagine as I inch towards the 14th, I am only just beginning to get into the holiday spirit.

Working with The Law of Attraction, I have however taken a moment to sit still and write down exactly what my hopes are for the holidays and here are some I came up with for this year : -

• A beautifully decorated house with a pretty tree, white candles & fresh green decorations all over and a jolly and attractive wreath on the front door
• All my family, who are able to make it home to share this special time
• A roaring log fire for us is an absolute must, as we have become addicted to that special smell of burning wood and fresh pine leaves (last year we even roasted a leg of lamb in front the fire – much to the delight of the dog who sat guarding it all night!)
• Lovely long walks across the national park that boarders onto the house we rent in Provence with the invigorating and delicious aromas of rosemary and thyme that are released with each and every footstep
• The definite chance of beautiful days with bright clear blue skies and deliciously warm Provencal days – an absolute bonus as we can sit outside or play Boules!
• And I guess because we are a conjoined family of total foodies, the table is usually decked with loads of wonderful food & drink, all specially selected and brought back from the fabulous Provencal markets, and of course Mr Leclerc (the big chain supermarket down there)
• However most of all this year we are all looking forward to being with my grandson who is now 21 months old – he was with us last year (9 months) and we had a great time, however he is so much more interactive now, so I look forward, with some dread too, at the thought of him living peacefully with the fully decked Christmas tree and other decorations, as well as the open fire with screen of course. We will be keeping a constant eye on him, however what fun we are all going to have with him on his first proper Christmas with us

So as I set my own personal intentions I guess it is time to tap in all the positive feelings I have to do with Christmas – personally I love it! However I am aware that there are many of you who experience Christmas as being a particularly sad and lonely time; as well, one of total anti-climax and disappointment.  So tapping on these feelings way up ahead is sure to be of use . . . we all know how far-reaching EFT can be, yet we are all guilty of not using it for moments like this when it can mean the difference between a not so good Christmas and a good one. So do not forget to tap . . .

However I urge you to put some intentions down on paper, as this should help in the first place – even if at this stage we can only put down what we definitely do not want to happen at Christmas! That way we can move forward to seeing what we might want, and what might please us most - as well, how to set about achieving those plans.

Look out for more posts on the lead up to the Holidays . . . however in the meantime

Baby steps . . . . baby steps . . .

I have been working with my daughter on her needle phobia for a long while now, however her impending trip to India meant that she would now have to put our work to the test!

If she wanted to go, she would need 5 different vaccinations in all! And here is an instance when it may well be that the root cause for an issue lies with another person, and not yourself; a phobia that she may well have inadvertently picked up from me, her mother. (more…)

Ok, I may be a little biased here, however I stand firm in my conviction that Alison Munro is one of the best EFT trainers in London - if not the very best!

I make this claim as someone who has experienced her extensive training through Level I, Level II & Level III - Advanced. I was lucky to find Alison from the very beginning as my trainer - however, there must also be a very good reason why so many people who have already completed training with other trainers, come to her to re-do their Levels I, II & III!

This reason is her intense passion for EFT which shines out of every pore in her body, and is so contagious that it causes the learner to re-awaken their own passion for EFT & healing when they experience it all over again with this amazing teacher.   (more…)

As the basic tenet of EFT according to founder Gary Craig, is that ‘The cause of ALL negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system’, newcomers to EFT, will be taught to tap on just one side of the body, ie beginning of eyebrow, side of eyebrow, under eye, under nose, middle of chin, shoulder bone, under arm, and top of head.

However, the body’s energy system is made up of 14 meridians in total, all of these branching out into hundreds of tiny energetic pathways. And as we never really know exactly where a blockage or disruption is, and nor do we have to, to be successful, tapping bilaterally ie on both sides of the body with both hands at one time, is a form of turbo-tapping that will usually speed up the tapping process on an issue considerably.   (more…)

It is a fact that all diet and exercise plans that require will power ultimately fail. On the other hand EFT, which is a simple easily learnt “emotional acupressure” technique, has the ability to eliminate the need for will power, along with the deep-down underlying causes of emotional overeating.

Working with a trained EFT Practitioner a client is able to locate and neutralise the real drivers in weight loss cases, such as emotional issues like self-worth and anxiety. If these powerful emotions are not fully and properly addressed and resolved, the client’s will power will always take a back seat, allowing the need for ‘comfort foods’ to win out every time; each time attaching a little more guilt to the situation.

Working with EFT on weight loss, the client will learn that using sugar or overeating as a way to numb feelings keeps you caught in a vicious circle, where it is impossible for any diet in the world to actually help. EFT ignores the popular nutritional law of calorie restriction, and instead focuses on the emotional imbalances that cause the overeating in the first place; the cravings, the hunger pangs, the poor eating habits, bingeing episodes, daily stress, past issues still affecting the present, family history of obesity.   (more…)

Doing a session by telephone is a highly convenient method of working with a practitioner for many good reasons.

The Advantages

• You are able to choose the practitioner of your choice who specialises in your particular issue, even one in another area or even country
• There is no need to allow for time to and from your appointment or problems with parking or public transport
• You do not need to take time off from work - as long as you can find a place with some privacy
• You can pay easily via credit cards or paypal
• In case of emergencies if you have your practitioner’s say so, and if at a convenient time, you may be able to have a session right when the problem is happening
• Using Skype to do the session is free of charge so no phone charges

The Disadvantages

• There may be disruptions, eg other phones ringing, colleagues or children interrupting
• Most clients prefer the energetic connection available with a one-to-one appointment
• You will need to know where points for tapping are - either from a previous appointment or through an email/snail mail communication that illustrates the tapping points

So if this is more convenient for you, please give me a call on +44(0)7900 582 288 and we can spend 15 minutes on a your specific issue for no charge . . . . .

Over 70 years ago Einstein brought us his famous equation E=mc2. Simply stated this means that everything, including our bodies, is composed of energy. This is so widely accepted today that not one scientist on the planet is able to disagree with this statement!

However, until relatively recently, this important knowledge has gone unnoticed by the psychotherapy profession. This is true even though energy related procedures have now been clinically demonstrated thousands of times to dramatically reduce the sting of traumatic memories, grief, anger, phobias and almost any other emotional ailment you can name.

Further more, as a procedure, EFT is usually rapid, long lasting and a relatively gently process - one that so often works where nothing else will.  (more…)

Whilst facilitating a Level I workshop this past weekend, the inevitable EFT question re children came up ie Is EFT suitable for children - and if so at what age can we actually start working with children?

To be able to calm yourself during a moment of stress, or to remove the charge from an emotional trigger, are perhaps a couple of the most practical self-help skills that a person can develop, it follows then that teaching a child from an early age to do just this must be worthwhile.

My grandson at his first birthday party had fallen in love with balloons! He loved the look of them, the pretty colours, how they felt and in between having fun with his guests, was to be seen hugging and squeezing his balloons. Then the inevitable happened - the one he was hugging (a little too tight) popped with an almighty noise which frightened the living daylights out of him.  (more…)