Kaye Tench

Today’s post is about all the sincere and well meaning resolutions we made at the beginning of the year - about the reality of what it takes to reach any worthwhile goal - and the struggle it sets up in our minds from day 1 about how we are going to achieve them - and how we can learn to move through the fear and resistance that get in the way!

We all realise the tremendous dedication and motivation needed to achieve these goals we so easily set for ourselves, but so many times when we fail, we beat ourselves up and feel inadequate when nothing we do seems to head us in the directions of our set goals.

Take for instance, people who swear that this is THE year they are going to finally stop smoking. How many people do we know who say they want to quit smoking - that they have tried all sorts of different approaches/methods/treatments and still failed?

All these very well-intentioned people may well be missing one vital link as to why they have so far been unsuccessful. They are just not ready! Their conscious self really wants to stop, whilst the sub-conscious is probably saying ‘ yeah yeah - do you remember the last few times we tried this and how much hell it caused us?’

The fact of the matter is that when these people are totally, and finally ready ie conscious and self-conscious in total alignment - they will quit easily, using any of the excellent supportive processes available that they have set their mind on using.
And the truth of the matter seems to be that prior to eventually quitting any long-held habit, there seems to be a preparatory period of internal incubation of thought and negotiation that goes on within us - quiet and private and unbeknown to the rest of the world.

Do we , don’t we, can we - a weighing up of all the pros and cons, the advantages and the disadvantages - how will this change in habit impact life on a daily basis - what is the worst case scenario? With smoking the familiar one is ‘I will never manage!’ We seem to relentlessly play all these aspects of the problem habit over and over in our heads.

And then the day eventually dawns, THE day when you have got it all together in your head, that today is the day - then you are able and ready and totally ready to eliminate that habit.

If you are one of these people, until that day comes, and as an Advanced-EFT Practitioner and a Hypnotherapist, all I can honestly confess to doing with you is helping you to prepare and plan - to support yourself with credible tools from the therapeutic tool-box - until you get to that final day. Chipping away at the resistance with hypnosis, and using EFT tapping to help with cravings - and even if you begin slowly to cut down on the amount of cigarettes, just 1 or 2 a day that still in my book is solid progress towards your goal.

And then that day comes and we do a session and you walk out of my practice and feel so ok about stopping that you later surprise yourself with the low level of cravings - in fact they are so low, that you definitely feel you have the total courage to say - I can leave that! I don’t really need that! And there you are.

Remember it has taken you a long time to get so deeply entrenched within your particular habit - it has been with you as a crutch and support and it makes sense that it cannot be so easily thrown off like a coat that no longer protects you from ill winds.

People who don’t find it easy to give up smoking usually have a number of beliefs around the habit which need to be cleared first. These beliefs could be to do with self-worth and confidence, or any number of other things. Once the beliefs have been identified and removed, it is much easier to give up smoking. And it is all these beliefs that go back and forth in your head, taking you forward to the day of reckoning.

So the fact is that there can be a certain amount of time spent getting set up for the big day - and you know it really is not that important in the long run - that period could take days, months or indeed years - it just depends on the habit and the person. The main thing is that you push on ahead and acknowledge each small success you are able to gain on the way.

Don’t worry or even look back at any amount of failures as this just instigates more of the same for the immediate future ‘ again the law of attraction’ - continuing to dwell on each small success will set you up for even more success. Remember it is like this for everyone, whether it is losing weight, changing jobs, quitting alcohol, leaving an unsuitable partner and a host of other reasons.

Forget about all the things that did or did not work - we have all failed at things in the past. A great thought to keep in mind is that some of the most successful people in the world, are the ones with the most amount of failures! Yes! they are the ones who keep on keeping on - they never give up - unlike most people - they keep going on until they succeed - and you can decide to be one of these people in 2008.

What do you do now? Set yourself a date - and here’s another warning - DO NOT give up if that date needs renegotiating - just set another one - keeping in your mind that YOUR own particular date is coming closer and closer.

The important thing is to rest assured, that deep within the conscious and sub-conscious parts of you - this important and powerful negotiation is going on - this important negotiation between your physical self with a penchant for crutches and prevarication, and your inner being who knows full well the dreams you have set yourself, and the amazing power you really have to bring all of these dreams into reality.

Your inner being in fact has already set up this change for you in a non-physical sense - and it is waiting and lovingly holding the space for you as you follow through with your inner negotiations that will bring you to your pre-conceived idea of quitting your habit.

So it’s now March, and you are not there yet! So what! I urge you to stick it out - maybe you will only do half as well as you thought you would, but that might be more progress with this habit that you have managed in years put together, - so just give it your best shot. How many times have you sat and wondered - if you had stuck with something, what would have happened?

It is so easy to just excuse yourself out of something vital to your life just because it seemed too hard to accomplish, or because of any other reasons you chose to use. Not giving things a chance, and being ready to quit with any minor excuse is a very normal human thing to do.

We shut down and stay where we are because the thought of the new place causes feelings of extreme discomfort - even feelings of panic that we might not survive the new circumstances - and this is when with clients we always try on for size the worst case scenarios and tap away at them to eliminate any resistance to change.

So remember having any of these feelings do not make you a loser - more importantly it means that you are still on the road, and building up more strength with each step forward. Eventually you will reach your goal.

Until later . . .